Dinah Liddell

2197/04/22

We hid in the only place we felt safe. All of our default locations that we would cycle through are either no longer accessible, or are covered by officials and or spies, since they knew the locations were being used for unacceptable acts against resident regulations. A few of the locations were simply destroyed. We had a total of 37 locations, now just one. This location was a cave off the coast of what used to be Alaska, United States. Since this general zone is uninhabited, officials rarely visit here. It took us a few weeks to charter a jet to here, most of them wouldn’t allow resident travel, only cargo and official if needed. Most caves have been closed or demolished, but this exact cave (Cave of Entity) happened to be protected by a few organizations, one historical related, and one religion based. Organizations no longer have the ability to protect anything, or anyone. I’m not sure, but I believe the two that were protecting this cave are no longer active. 

When he arrived I instantly knew he wasn’t pure, his eyes were glossy, and he was quite calm. Too calm and quiet. Resident regulations require us to consume 200MG of Trisimflocrophetamine, which is issued by the officials. It makes residents very easy to control, manipulate, push around with ease. People are too relaxed mentally and physically to fight back, or even think about accomplishing anything besides mundane tasks. I hate that he sometimes visits me in this condition, I feel like I’m speaking someone that is artificial.

Our time together is usually magical, full of senses we rarely ever get to experience. This was full of empty moments, nothing but oxygen that wasn’t approved to breathe by modern air quality standards. At one point my left arm, which is mechanical started to malfunction for the first time since I’ve had it. I wasn’t even able to hug him properly. This was our last time together.

What’s that noise? 

just me.

I’ve been having a lot of headaches recently

that’s because you have loose wires in your head

Why does my heart tend to explode often?

you’re lost, incomplete, and uncertain.

This is not me. Not my thoughts. Not my body. Not my property

your birth name is on the label, it must be?

Please, stop.

if I did, you would no longer exist.

I often see myself in the same exact situation,

Someone speaks to me, and my mind just starts RACING.

I want it to end already.

I start to predict the possibilities, attempting to cut them off and answer them early. Finish off their sentence, I can complete it quicker than they can.

Anything just to make this end already.

There is one exception, though; When she speaks to me I silently wait. Wait for her magical thoughts to be released, wait for the explosions of feelings that flutter from her lips.

I can finally sit down and relax, and just listen.

So let’s begin a new life, doll.

I set my bottle out to sea many years ago, I’m glad that you found it, opened the note, and here we are.

All this desire; Everything falls into place.

Now, what should you do with me?

I am cursed. I am able to give any gift in the world yet receive nothing.

I gave everything away in the past. Now I’m stuck in the middle, sitting on the petals of the dead orchid that you keep watering, just so that I have the illusion of life.

Give me one thing back - my body,

With that I will acquire the freedom I desire.

My thoughts are splashing all around while I lie awake at night, attempting to escape an economy of empty promises.

Suddenly my thoughts disappear!

COLLAPSED ON THE GROUND. Shimmering little purple raindrops.

Never let go, miss! Stay strong! Purge, girl, purge!

When will I be able to exhale? Express?

Expose? Expose myself for the rest of the world to ravish into pieces, pick at, analyze, possibly even collect. Is there nothing there but ambiguity? Is something hidden in the nonsense that flows from my lips?

Sometimes people ask me “What are you thinking about?” The truth is, my mind is constantly racing. Light speed. Up, down, exploring highs and lows, never balanced. I often attempt to release the void that I consider to be my thoughts. I translate my thoughts into words. Words of desire, hope, curiosity, confusion, pure emotions that I never knew existed.

The translations never excel at expressing anything. Am I just borrowing these words? Will they ever make sense? Are they actually connected? Is anything ever connected?

All the articles you’ve heard about, institutions, the little whispers you heard from concerned adults.. they were all true. We really do everything they say, some of it just because they say we do. Manipulation is kind of part of who we are, it’s kind of everything we are, in a sense. Sometimes we say that this is enough, we should fight against the media, and reveal the brighter side of things. Most of us really don’t believe there is a bright side to this, but we do try to convince ourselves that there is. I, along with many others, think that we should possibly calm down, try something new, something real.

We think it over, again and again. We sometimes stop, we sometimes learn from our experiences, evolve. Most of us come back, with a psyche that’s all revved up and ready to explode.

I compiled a tiny ebook of some of my dreams that I recorded. It’s not really organized or anything, I honestly didn’t put much work into it :)

Evaluating consistently the positives and negatives, the conclusion never really adds up. None of the formulations seem to be correct, yet they are still the correct answers. 2 + 2 = 5, mechanism of action is unknown, undesirable thoughts create new disturbances. I sometimes wonder why?

I eventually forget what I’m evaluating and think “Life is good.”

We keep on connecting the same images, but in reality we really don’t have any images to connect. The ones we had are legacy, damaged, lack purpose. We will both wake up sometime in the future and realize this. We won’t announce it, it will just happen, and we will accept the void that appears between us. It was destiny, if there ever is such a thing?

This process will repeat a million times in our lives. We should have stopped it.

Nobody ever figured me out. Not my family, not my friends, not a single person. I’d reveal everything besides my one little secret, and they still wouldn’t figure me out.

I’ve had one major modification, the one that turned me into a human. I made all the right facial expressions, the correct actions at the correct times, used all the words people would want to hear with  perfect timing. Some people have said “You’re too good to be true” but I am whatever they want me to be. I am true to their minds, their heart, and to their logic. I have a heart, a brain, all your ordinary human organs, I even have a tattoo on my skin, doesn’t that prove that I am human? My heartbeat increases when I feel like it should be increased, during exciting or intimate situations, during fear. Yes, I fear.

I also hope, hope that someday they will stop asking for me. Stop designing me this way. Why can’t they want something unique? Something that runs free, thinks clearly, is focused, is original, is truly HUMAN. Instead they keep wanting the same thing I provide them. The same actions, usually the same thoughts, repetition.

After my modification I was told that I have an expiration date of 10 years. After all of this time, I feel like I have never lived not even a single moment. The modification designed me to give humans what they desire. I gave up the last 10 years of my life to not even experience a life. Humans desire nothing important. Going forwards, backwards, nowhere.

Hi!

I think after that, it’s all pretty much nonsensical.

We know this likely won’t last forever, or evolve much.

but we’re both willing to enjoy what we have,

Nothing but magical unicorns, zombies, robots, flowers that talk.

Let’s play pretend!

There once was an angel that accidentally went too far.

She was told that once you fall from the ledge,

There is no way to return.

This didn’t matter much to her. She was very curious by nature.

Little did she know, Earth isn’t a gentle place to land on.

There were no pillows to save her fall.

In her previous land, dreams were plentiful, she had them every night.

They were perfect in every possible way.

Here, she has nothing but the most terrifying nightmares anyone could ever imagine,

Many of them involve her suffering, drowning, burning, trapped, abused.

Sometimes her nightmares would just be nothing at all, just blank space. These terrified her the most.

The oxygen she used to breathe gave her energy, made her feel complete,

The oxygen she breathes here only spreads diseases.

She came from a land of purity,

Now it’s point to the pill, and click on your mouth.

UNIVERSE ERROR!

RESTART? FAILED.

REVERT? FAILED.

RECOMPILE? FAILED.

REPEAT? SUCCESS.

ache:

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White Queen & Alice | submitted by angelapulice

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Lingere Cookies (by SweetSugarBelle (super busy times ten!!!))

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SOMEONE BETTER GET ME THIS NOW DDDDD:

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This Won’t End Well of the Day: These ill-advised suitcase decals from The Cheeky, which appear to offer a sneak peek into the seedy underbelly of your luggage, will most likely prompt TSA agents to request a sneak peek into the seedy underbelly of your colon.

[geekosystem.]

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Lolita Teen Alice Costume Idea | by NoFlutter

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116/365 | by prettyteacakes

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Alice | by CP Kifir

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My Work on Alice | by KaitlyndRuth

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Myself as the White Rabbit 2 | by Wiiplayin

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the White Rabbit | by Brandon Christopher Warren

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Alice’s Fall | by MadameThenadier

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the Book of Alice | by KoryGuzPhotography

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What If Alice Died | by CaptainDunkenstein

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Alice | by Elson Di Nardo

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Truth: I totally gave in and bought these four classic Alice In Wonderland (1951) t-shirts from my work. Yes, I’m a huge fan.

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Disneyland Alice Tea Bag Set | by yearofthegurl

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Heart no Kuni no Alice | by ECK